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22 November 2005 @ 12:22 pm
To My Fawning and Devoted Male Admirers  
I would not normally write a parody of a poem by someone else, mainly because I do not acknowledge that anyone apart from me has had any poetry published (by "anyone," I mean you, opheliablue).

However I thought I would lower my standards this time as I found it an amusing exercise. This is a parody of a poem by Anne Bradstreet (and by "Anne Bradstreet," I mean the real Anne Bradstreet, not LJ USER = ANNE_BRADSTREET) - *dies laughing*


To my Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

- Anne Bradstreet


To my Fawning and Devoted Male Admirers

If ever one were sexy, then surely EmD.
If ever woman were desired by man, then me.
If ever girl had multiple orgasms -
Try to match me, ye women, but you can't.
I prize thy cucumbers more than any chickpeas,
Or all the grapes that the Tesco store doth hold.
My lust is such that no amount of sex can quench,
Thee ought to stay there tied to my bed forever.
Thy tongue is talented, I must say,
My mouth rewards thee many times, I'm sure.
Let us f*ck, in love or lust - whatEVER!
And when we're dead, let us meet again through LiveJournal.

- EmD-MC
 
 
Current Mood: hornyhorny
 
 
 
anne_bradstreet on November 22nd, 2005 12:34 pm (UTC)
Will the real Anne Bradstreet please stand up?
Sinful, decadent, and completely devoid of morals. There's no place for something like this on the Internet.

And by the way, I AM THE REAL ANNE BRADSTREET!!!

So piss off.

I like the poem, by the way.
Str8 Outta Amherst, A More Prolific Poet Than You_emilydickinson on November 22nd, 2005 12:42 pm (UTC)
Re: Will the real Anne Bradstreet please stand up?
Sinful, decadent, and completely devoid of morals.

Yes, that's exactly what I thought when I saw that Anne Bradstreet poem the first time too.
anne_bradstreet on November 22nd, 2005 12:59 pm (UTC)
Girl, don't even go there. You know what I'm talking about. You're a little hussy.
theodoreroethke on November 22nd, 2005 12:38 pm (UTC)
That first poem don' make no sense, you know what I'm sayin? I don' like it.

But the second one's good. Real good. You's my kinda woman, Emily D.